Miss Information tries to write an essay
1000 words. No problem.
Miss Information writes that essay.
Miss Information does a word count. 1438 words. Oh, dear.
Miss Information edits, compresses, changes. She does a word count. 1438 words. Oh, damn.
Miss Information rewrites, revises, amends. She does a word count. 1438 words. Oh, fuck.
Miss Information changes the font size so it all fits on the right number of pages and sighs with relief.
Miss Information is annoyed by a Renaissance man
Miss Information says enough with the sadness. It’s time to enjoy life and make fun of people again. Luckily the patrons are always willing to assist Miss Information in her quest for happiness.
The young man was looking for books on the Renaissance. Miss Information’s colleague needed clarification. Was he looking for a particular subject or a particular country or maybe a specific person?
The young man thought the librarian was confused. He explained that the Renaissance was an era with a lot of art and stuff in the time
before Christ.
Ummmm…ok. Maybe Miss Information was thinking of a different Renaissance.
Miss Information is annoyed by hope
The day after a disastrous oral presentation in her Caribbean literature course (no, she isn’t exaggerating), Miss Information received word that her application to graduate school has been rejected. It really hasn’t been the best week so far.
So all you people who were so certain that she would be accepted were wrong. Miss Information was right and you were wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong! Ah, dammit. Being right doesn’t always feel so good.
Miss Information opened the e-mail right before work today. She thought it was another e-mail about the computer glitch that had messed up the application process so she was blindsided. She spent the rest of the day weepy. Imagine if she actually
had gotten her hopes up.
Since it is unlikely that Miss Information will want to speak about this in the near future, or, you know,
ever, she would like to take this opportunity to thank all of her library and non library friends for their support, kind words, and recommendations.
Oh, and the manufacturers of the sandpaper-esque facial tissue the library purchases are really just a bunch of scum sucking, bottom feeding bastards. Thanks to you, Miss Information now resembles Yoda.
Miss Information is pretty bummed out right now, but she’s sure that she’ll be able to see the funny side of this by tomorrow. Well, maybe Thursday. Ok, Friday at the latest.
Miss Information is puzzled by religion
It was a busy Saturday at the library. A customer with his glasses held together with magic tape comes to the desk.
He wants Miss Information to know that Jesus loves her. Swell. Miss Information acknowledges that she's heard this before and asks the man if there's anything she can help him with. The man says he's looking for a gift.
A gift? What the fuck?
Yes, the man confirms. A gift. He is looking for a gift from the government. Miss Information offers books and information. These, she insists are the only "gifts" this particular government body has to give.
The man gets all snarly and leaves.
Miss Information doesn't get religion, but she's pretty sure that the minister of the church her mother attends would be happy to tell her that Jesus loves her without looking for a compensatory gift.
Miss Information is annoyed by a guy who’s annoyed by gas prices
An angry Keira Knightly fan approaches Miss Information. He called earlier, see. He asked for the Pride and Prejudice DVD with Keira Knightly. He drove all this way, wasted about $10 worth of gas to get to the library. And to his horror, the library staff had misunderstood and put a book, an actual book, on the pick up shelf for him. He is incensed. He wasted about $10 worth of gas to get here, for what? A stinking book?
Miss Information feels his pain. Books? They're evil. Also, she drives one of those soul-sucking, climate exterminating, planet destroying SUVs and yeah, she weeps bitter tears over gas prices herself. But even in her soul-sucking, climate exterminating, planet destroying SUV, she can get a pretty long way on $10 worth of gas. Where was he coming from anyway, planet Zontar?
She offered to put him on the waiting list, because obviously there’s a waiting list. She mentioned the large number of libraries in the city and suggested he pick one closer to pick up the DVD, especially since she didn’t want to see him here again. And obviously he’d come a long way. $10 worth of gas! He resisted. He would come back for the DVD.
Miss Information suggested that he look into those new fangled stores that are on every street corner, where you can rent all the Keira Knightly movies you want for approximately $10. It’s convenient. No waiting lists. The man was not moved. He left still muttering about that $10 in wasted gas.
After he’d left, Miss Information checked his address. She looked it up on a street map. It was 3 very short blocks away from the library. He must drive a Hummer.
And now Miss Information is compelled to point out that while she is working very hard to bring about global warming by continuing to drive that soul-sucking, climate exterminating, planet destroying SUV, the rest of you aren’t doing your part as it is still stupidly, insanely, unpleasantly frigid. C’mon people! Miss Information wants palm trees!
Miss Information says give us an "E"
Miss Information's first essay was due yesterday. She worked on it very hard but by Thursday it was still craptacular. She improved it but eventually lost all perspective. Maybe it was ok. Maybe it was crap with punctuation. Who can tell?
The work week was relatively peaceful, perhaps because Miss Information's brain was trapped in rural 1890s Jamaica. Then on Friday, as she was on her way to dinner break the phone rang. She answered. Mistake.
Merry Christmas, the woman said.
Um. Yep. Miss Information has a pretty good idea where this is going.
The woman describes the situation. It seems that several decades back the woman had received a letter from a lawyer. The letter contained a word starting with the letter "E". Could Miss Information please figure out what word it was?
Well, it was a full moon.
Miss Information misses another opportunity for tranquility
What Miss Information Thought About in Corpse Pose
Mainly tonight, Miss Information tried to figure out a subtle way to untwist her sports bra, remove it from around her throat and relocate it
slightly further south where, you know, it could, you know, do its FREAKING JOB.
All the while, Yoga Boy was trying to help people relax: Let go of your self-consciousness, he suggested.
Well, easy for him to say. His sports bra probably never stages a coup at an inopportune moment.
Seriously,
does this sort of thing happen to other people?
