Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Miss Information has an annoying conversation

Woman: Can I use the Internet?

Miss I (taking her over to a terminal): Yes, when this box on the screen says "available" anyone can use the computer.

Woman: So, can I use it?


Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed by lax parenting

Ok, so it isn't quite as cold as it was yesterday, when it was about a billion degrees below zero, but it's still friggin' cold. In addition, there is a raging damn blizzard going on. Why anyone would even be here tonight is mystifing.

Miss Information is also mystified by the parents of young children. She has no children, nor does she want any. She realizes that it must be extremely difficult to actually parent one of the little creatures. Still there is just no excuse for sending your child to the library on a friggin' cold December night during a raging damn blizzard wearing sandals without socks.

Miss Information is annoyed by garbage

Miss Information understands your need to eat Sun Chips. She finds them delicious. What's more they actually taste healthy so you can delude yourself that you aren't eating crap. In fact, even the library supports your decision to eat Sun Chips by making them available in our vending machine.

Miss Information can't understand why, after consuming your cheese-flavoured Sun Chips, you would choose to spend a significant portion of your life folding the empty bag into a tiny square and then carefully inserting it between two government documents.

There are garbage cans, you know.

Miss Information has a Message for her Beloved Co-Workers
She would have told you but she was sworn to secrecy and they said they'd have to kill her if she said anything. So please forgive her.

Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed by a question

Miss Information is really trying to be nice. She's all aglow with the peace and love and harmony that surrounds the Christmas season. But it's hard, dammit.

Today a woman actually asked her if "the desk with the big sign that says 'library cards' is the library card desk".

Ummmm, well, yeah. Clever of you to spot it, really.

Saturday, December 18, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed by a memo

Miss Information is still reeling from a recent policestate-esque directive requiring staff to smile at patrons. Really, they might as well ask her to fly, produce cold fusion, put together Ikea furniture or perform some other superhuman task.

But she is trying. Already she's progressed from vicious snarl to pained grimace. With a lot of practice and special tutoring she thinks she can perfect a wicked grin by the new year--which she figures fulfills the letter, if not the spirit, of the order.

That, however is as far as she's willing to go.

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Miss Information and the disturbed young man

Today a young man approached the desk.
"I forgot my library card," he said. "All I have with me is this," and he proudly displayed the tip of his index finger.

Ummmm...ok. Too bad the damn fingerprint scanner is on the fritz again.

Happily, Miss Information was able to locate the gentleman's card. It was clearly visible hanging on a string around his neck.

Phew. Another crisis averted.

What Miss Information Thought about in Corpse Pose
She had had a pretty good class up to this point. Her forehead and left knee were getting to know each other on a deeply personal basis, although her right knee was still being unnecessarily snobbish. (It's always had an attitude problem.)

She was feeling good until Yoga Boy suggested the class visualize sinking deeply into the floor. The only thing Miss Information could imagine sinking into was quicksand. So she thought about how quicksand would really mess up her hair. Then she wondered whether quicksand is more common in the northern or southern hemisphere, so she could accurately assess whether it was infested with alligators or crocodiles. It totally annoyed her that she didn't know the answer so she gave up visualizing and just thought about food.

Miss Information really sucks at C0rpse Pose.

Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Miss Information is back from vacation

...and she's annoyed.

You needed a book. You phoned the library. Is it too much to ask that you locate your library card before you make the call?

Also it really bothers Miss Information when she asks for your library card number and you say, “What, the whole number?”

Yes, dammit, the whole number. If she just wanted the even numbers or the prime numbers or your favourite numbers she would have been more specific. It’s not that many numbers; just read them for god’s sake.