Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about...genealogists

Regular readers may be aware that Miss Information is annoyed by a great many things.  Most of them pale in comparison with the unadulterated irritation she experiences when dealing with genealogists.

Miss Information really really really hates them.  She sometimes hides from them.  She once upended a full book truck so one of them would stop talking to her, but as a public service she has written some rules for the genealogists who use her library.

1.  Don't come to the public library.  Really, if you're serious about your research you'd be better off at a specialized library or archives where staff are trained to assist you and would like to know all about your grandmother's second cousin Maudie who married a shepherd in 1756.  Miss Information can't imagine why you think she would be excited by this.  In fact, she's mystified that it impresses you and she's not paid enough to feign interest in the feeble lives of your ancestors.

2.  Don't complain that we don't have what you want.  There are libraries in the city that have better resources but apparently they were too far away and you came here instead.  Miss Information cannot help you.  In fact, she's using all of her energy to keep from bludgeoning you with a box of microfilm so please stop bothering her.

3.  Miss Information doesn't want to know all about your great great great grandfather Josiah who was the first person to wear cotton on the Isle of Man.  Neither do her colleagues.  So don't be telling library staff about your relative named John Smith who may have travelled with Captain Cook because there was a sailor named John Smith who was on his voyage.  This is your wild goose chase not theirs.

4.  If you are considering beginning research on your family tree, Miss Information urges you to stop before it's too late and you become one of "them".  Miss Information almost lost a family member to the horrors of genealogy.  It took many months of inpatient treatment at an expensive detox centre but now the long nightmare is over.  

Please think of your family.


Saturday, July 17, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about...other people

Miss Information is truly a sensitive (some might even say over-sensitive) soul and her tender spirit was crushed by a recent comment about one of her postings on refgrunt.  The correspondent was critical of Miss Information’s handling of the described incident and implied that she should work to improve her customer service skills.
Miss Information is facing the criticism as bravely as she can and is attempting to go on with her life.  She sometimes forgets that not everyone shares her stinging sense of humour and it makes her very sad.  She also believes that some people take their jobs and themselves far too seriously.  A sense of humour is this season’s must have accessory-- far more important than a DVD player. 

Therefore Miss Information begs those of you who gather here to please please please not take anything on this page seriously because that would surely break her heart.

Friday, July 16, 2004

Miss Information and the angry missionaries

The bad tempered missionaries came in today. Miss Information doesn’t know what denomination their church is but its message appears to be less of the “love thy neighbour” and more of the “get out of my way you stinkin’ heathen” variety. It seems that their main goal is to hasten the spread of sarcasm around the globe.
If they permit coffee drinking, Miss Information will convert immediately. She could do some good work with this bunch.

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about...noise

Aside from Gilbert and Amrous making sound effects for their game and Mike listening to music without headphones ("sorry, miss, sorry"), there is only a symphony of ringing cell phones to disturb the peace and tranquility of the area publicly known as the "Quiet Study Area".

Privately, of course, Miss Information affectionately refers to it as the 7th circle of hell, but to-may-to, to-mah-to.

Miss Information thinks that phones that play music are stupid but her sister, Ms Judge has recently acquired a cell that doesn't even have the option of ringing like a phone. Obviously the planet is doomed.

Miss Information's friend Mrs Direction has a cell phone that rings the Toreador song from Bizet's opera Carmen. Mrs Direction had no clue. Miss Information believes that if cell phones must play music, then their owners should be able to indentify the song.

Oh, but Miss Information would really rather you just turn your damn phone off. It's a library for god's sake.

(And lest you get the wrong idea about Miss Information, let it be known that she only recognized the Carmen aria because it was once featured on a episode of Gilligan's Island. Oh, and her phone rings--you know, like a phone.)

Thursday, July 08, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about...


Miss Information has been thinking about the summers of her childhood, specifically about how she and her friends would play outside. Oh, sure, Miss Information would visit the local library a couple of times during the summer but only in complete secrecy and usually under the cover of darkness.

She would sneak past the terrifying library staff at the circulation desk, go to the children's department (because the adult department was only for adults), pick out a couple of books and then leave. Yes, Ricky and Jocelyn it is possible to actually leave the library.

The library of Miss Information's childhood was a quiet place for tranquil reflection.

And that's the way Miss Information likes it, god damn it!

Miss Information is thinking about windmilling her arms as she moves through the adult department just to see how many people she can take out. Obviously some of the shorter children would escape her reach, so some kicking might be required.

Regulars who came in today:
Ricky and Jocelyn
Wedding Planner woman
Tom the ex-cop
Opera Woman
Katherine (kookier than ever)
The woman with the nice hair
William and his annoying siblings
Sports Illustrated guy
The Boy who Asks Too Many Questions

"I swore never to read again after To Kill a Mockingbird offered me no meaningful advice on the killing of mockingbirds. It did teach me to not judge a man based on the color of his skin, but what good does that do ME?"
-Homer Simpson