Sunday, May 31, 2009

The patrons annoy Miss Information...again

Miss Information was having a peaceful and educational Saturday conducting research into the sexual proclivities of animals. What? A person can have hobbies. And seriously? Koalas may seem cute and harmless but they could keep Jerry Springer supplied with guests for years.

Unfortunately this pursuit of knowledge was interrupted by a high school kid who wanted to find childhood photos of a World War I hero. He got really snotty when Miss Information told him that this might be impossible given that the man was born in 1875 when camera phones were somewhat rare.

After he stomped away, Miss Information read about transexual deer until she overheard a patron angrily ask for a manager. Damn. It was unfortunate that Miss Information was in charge of the branch right then. She had a nice conversation with the man who was really upset about the library bags--specifically that they were too girly. Miss Information would describe the bags as gender neutral...they don't have unicorns or hearts or flowers on them, but the man was mad. They just weren't manly enough for him. Sigh. To think that Miss Information wastes her time worrying about crazy dictators with nuclear arms and ethnic cleansing when there are real problems in the world. She found him a contact number. Hopes it works out for him.

The woman on the phone wanted a movie--Lies of the Saints. "Lie," she said. "Like the opposite of true." Right. Miss Information has not heard of this movie but it seemed plausible. Too bad the library catalogue hadn't heard of it either. Could the woman provide any more information: was it a documentary? Did she know any of the people involved? The woman suggests she try "Lies of a Saint", "Lie of the Saints", "Lie of a Saint". No, no, no. The woman was desperate. She needed the movie. Miss Information asked if it could possibly be Lives of the Saints. The woman thought maybe. CBC movie? Based on a book? Something about Italians? Sophia Loren? Any of this ring a bell? The woman became testy. How would she know? All she knew is that her friend told her it was good. Her friend didn't say anything else? Nope.

People recommend movies to Miss Information all the time. Maybe she's too picky but she always asks for more information. What's it about? Who's in it? Why exactly do you think Miss Information should waste 2 precious hours of her life with this particular offering? She decides whether to watch it based on this data. She almost never calls the library and gets snippy because the staff member can't figure out what movie her friend recommended based on incomplete information.

Miss Information suggested the woman contact her friend for clarification. The woman opted to call her local library instead where she was doomed to have the conversation again but at least Miss Information wasn't involved. She went back to her studies and learned much about hedgehogs and Snow Geese.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Another weird moment in the nice part of town

Yep. The nice part of town seems to have some real weirdos in it. The woman with the wet jeans is still mad. Today she told Miss Information that she is not paying her fines because of the wet jeans incident. She also made Miss Information give her a printout of all her charges because she has trouble remembering the due dates. She explained that she has some pretty serious memory problems. Miss Information would love for the woman to "forget" the wet jeans incident but this doesn't seem likely.

Another woman hailed Miss Information as she walked through browsing section. She wanted to know whether the library got a lot of obscene phone calls. Bit of an odd question, but ok, Miss Information will play along. She assured the woman that she had never had a problem and she hadn't heard of any problems.

"Oh," said the woman. "So, what's the phone number for the library?"

Fortunately Miss Information hasn't committed that to memory yet so she suggested the woman pick up a library guide on the way out. She waits expectantly to see whether the number of obscene phone calls increases. Maybe the woman is going to write the number on the bathroom wall of some seedy dive--"for a good time call..."

Some pervert is about to be seriously disappointed.

Miss Information spots a sign of insanity

Miss Information went to the gym tonight instead of working on those pesky school assignments. In the lobby there was a whiteboard promoting community centre activities.

"Public Skate" it declared. "Please note: no public."

So, um. More of a "skate" then. Miss Information actually has no idea what that means but it really tickled her.