Thursday, October 28, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed by students

A young man asked Miss Information how to find books on the middle ages. Because he was quite an attractive young thing and she wanted to keep him arround, she decided to conduct a reference interview.

Miss Information: So exactly what sort of information are you looking for? Is there a specific subject like religion or a specific country like England?

Young Man (becoming inexplicably hostile, was Miss Information drooling?): No, just tell me where the books are.

Miss Information: Ok, then. It's just kind of a broad subject area and there are several sections where you may find books.

Young Man: Well, I know the sort of book I want.

Miss Information: And exactly what sort would that be?

Young Man: About Thomas Becket.

Miss Information finds him a delightful book about the archbishop who lived in Canterbury, England and wonders: who will rid her of these turbulent patrons?

Miss Information is annoyed by the nearsighted

Ok, Miss Information admits that she doesn't have 20/20 vision. In fact, she suspects she descended from underground-dwelling mole-people hermits. You would think she would be sympathetic to your plight. She isn't.

So don't be telling her you can't see without your glasses and you didn't bring your glasses. You left home knowing you were coming to the damn library (it's rare anyone mistakes us for a church or something) and you didn't even consider the possibility that you might need to see something?

Miss Information hates you and she's not going to hide it anymore. You have been warned.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about genetics

Last week was a good one for Miss Information. She still didn't find anything anyone wanted but she managed to say "No, we don't have that" in the nicest possible way. In fact, one of the noisy boys she snarls at on a daily basis told her she had been "extremely helpful". (He was looking for books on the Spanish Inquisition. There weren't any. Obviously.)

So--things were going pretty well and Miss Information was feeling really good about the important work she was doing not helping people.

Then, about an hour before the end of the work week, the Idiot family came in. First Idiot wanted a map of Surburbville for a school assignment. Miss Information, whose spirit was not yet crushed, leapt out of her chair and joyously led the family to the maps section. Once there, she happily flipped through the collection of road maps looking for the right one. (It wasn't there. Obviously.) At this point First Idiot informed her that the assignment specified that they use the map of Suburbville on page 89 of a certain book. Miss Information felt the good will slowly draining away, but she soldiered on and asked for the name of the book.

Of course, Second Idiot, the student in question hadn't been paying attention when the teacher shared that small detail with the class. Miss Information suggested that she couldn't possibly find the right book without additional information and left the First and Second opening every geography book to page 89 in a vain search for the correct map. They seemed to think this was productive use of their lives. Well, they were idiots. It's not like they were going to cure cancer.

At any rate it freed up Miss Information to assist another member of the family, oh let's just call her "Third Idiot". She needed a history book to help her answer the questions on her worksheet. However, if she had actually read the worksheet, she would have known that the answers were also included. All she had to do was match them up.

Miss Information wonders how some people actually manage to breathe without detailed instruction.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Miss Information takes a shot at inner peace

...but it's really difficult for her to achieve perfect harmony when there are idiots who come to yoga class late and then spend the whole time having a conversation about whether or not to dye their hair, while one of them snaps her fingers (really!) and their cell phones ring.

What Miss Information Thought about in Corpse Pose
She spent her time in corpse pose thinking up yoga inspired ways to kill her annoying classmates. They were stranded on mountains, attacked by eagles, swallowed by cobras and torn apart by upward facing dogs.
Ahhhhhhhhh...not quite inner peace but damn close. Miss Information is positive that BKS Iyengar has these exact same thoughts when he does corpse pose.