Saturday, September 25, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed by doubters

Miss Information knows where the locations of the libraries are, ok? So when she tells you that Happyville Library is at the corner of Sesame St. and Broken Dreams Blvd. don't be telling her that those streets don't intersect. Of course they intersect. That's why they put a library there.

And now a new feature to the blog:
What Miss Information Thought About in Corpse Pose

Miss Information generally enjoys yoga class, and not just because the instructor (Yoga Boy) is so attractive, but she just can't get the hang of Corpse Pose. This is what she was thinking about last night while everyone around her was emptying their minds of thought and achieving total relaxation:

There was this episode of the television show Night Gallery where a fisherman caught a beautiful mermaid in his net and fell in love with her. Their love was doomed, obviously. But then the fisherman strong-armed or blackmailed a gypsy, fairy, genie or something into giving his beloved mermaid human legs. The gypsy (or whatever) granted his wish and the mermaid ended up with a great set of gams...and unfortunately the head of a sturgeon.
They don't make tv shows like that anymore.

She spent the rest of the time thinking about food.

Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about psychics

You should already know this because you're psychic but Miss Information is not interested in your little numerology, palmistry, tarot card reading business so stop putting your damn flyers on her car!

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about airport parking

Would somebody please explain to Miss Information why parking space E13 is not only not next to parking space E12, but is, in fact, on an entirely different level of the parking lot?

Miss Information hates the damn airport.

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Miss Information and the crazy bus guy

Miss Information is wondering why so many crazy people are obsessed with public transit. There is a young man who regularly spends hours looking at pictures of buses on the Internet. Are there bus-fetish websites? Miss Information tries not to judge others because she has a vivid imagination herself (although even her weirdest fantasies don't involve public transportation) but she is afraid that she's a little creeped out by this.

Today a different, yet equally strange bus guy came to the Reference Desk. He asked Miss Information to help him print out a new bus schedule because the one he had was old and he wanted to see any changes. When she gave him the printing, he refused to take it because the new schedule had different times on it than the old schedule.

And people wonder why Miss Information drinks.

Sunday, September 05, 2004

Miss Information is still annoyed about cell phones

Recently Miss Information watched helplessly as a patron sat opposite the Reference Desk and played with his new cell phone. He must have programmed every single phone number he ever knew into speed dial. Forty minutes of beep beep beep beep beep. Miss Information screamed inwardly.

Don't these people have homes?

Friday, September 03, 2004

Miss Information is mean to a patron

Miss Information is feeling crankier than usual today and is looking at 8 hours of desk time because one of her co-workers has called in sick. So she was in no mood to deal with Mr Computer Illiterate. He asks her to help him with his e-mail but it turns out that not only is he computer illiterate, he has no library card and is blind without his glasses, which he forgot. Plus he's sweating -- a lot. Also, he's not too certain of his e-mail account or password.

At this point Miss Information regrettably became quite testy and sent the man to his car to get the necessary information about his e-mail account. He has yet to return.

Some days Miss Information is very patient. Other days...