Saturday, February 10, 2007

Miss Information is annoyed by a guy who’s annoyed by gas prices

An angry Keira Knightly fan approaches Miss Information. He called earlier, see. He asked for the Pride and Prejudice DVD with Keira Knightly. He drove all this way, wasted about $10 worth of gas to get to the library. And to his horror, the library staff had misunderstood and put a book, an actual book, on the pick up shelf for him. He is incensed. He wasted about $10 worth of gas to get here, for what? A stinking book?

Miss Information feels his pain. Books? They're evil. Also, she drives one of those soul-sucking, climate exterminating, planet destroying SUVs and yeah, she weeps bitter tears over gas prices herself. But even in her soul-sucking, climate exterminating, planet destroying SUV, she can get a pretty long way on $10 worth of gas. Where was he coming from anyway, planet Zontar?

She offered to put him on the waiting list, because obviously there’s a waiting list. She mentioned the large number of libraries in the city and suggested he pick one closer to pick up the DVD, especially since she didn’t want to see him here again. And obviously he’d come a long way. $10 worth of gas! He resisted. He would come back for the DVD.

Miss Information suggested that he look into those new fangled stores that are on every street corner, where you can rent all the Keira Knightly movies you want for approximately $10. It’s convenient. No waiting lists. The man was not moved. He left still muttering about that $10 in wasted gas.

After he’d left, Miss Information checked his address. She looked it up on a street map. It was 3 very short blocks away from the library. He must drive a Hummer.

And now Miss Information is compelled to point out that while she is working very hard to bring about global warming by continuing to drive that soul-sucking, climate exterminating, planet destroying SUV, the rest of you aren’t doing your part as it is still stupidly, insanely, unpleasantly frigid. C’mon people! Miss Information wants palm trees!


At 3:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Planet Zontar--hilarious! Thanks for your sense of humor. You made me laugh.

At 7:08 PM, Blogger Orange Blossom Goddess (aka Heather) said...

Miss Information, You posts are fabulous...for your information!

At 9:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

At last a voice of sanity in the wilderness. Planet Zontar...indeed!


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