Saturday, March 21, 2015
It is the last day of spring break, so you would think that Miss Information would be tired of children by now. You'd be right. But she is much more tired of adults.
It is Saturday. One of the local newspapers gives the library a stack of free copies to give away. The local seniors have found out about this and Saturday mornings are getting ugly. Miss Information usually arrives at 8:30 and there's already a line. She has no idea when they start coming but by the time the library opens at 9 AM it's out of control.
The library posts a security guard next to the stack to maintain order but someone always cuts the line and hell breaks loose. Miss Information noticed a 12 year old boy staring in wonderment at the old people shouting and pushing. It's amazing that anyone survives the Saturday morning stampede of seniors.
Fortunately, the newspapers are gone by 9:03 and then everyone goes home, presumably to do crossword puzzles. Almost everyone goes home. A woman who cut the line and was called out by 10 other seniors and the security guard, stayed behind to protest the injustice. She spent about an hour complaining to the person in charge about the entire thing. Fortunately Miss Information was not involved except as a witness.
In the afternoon a man asked about the library collection of newspapers. Man 1, as he shall now be known, wanted to look at today's paper. The library has cleverly hidden the newspaper shelving so few people can find it, so Miss Information got up and walked him over. There was someone else (Man 2) looking at the papers and, because it is tucked away in a corner only one person can access the collection at a time. Miss Information pointed it out to the first man and suggested he give the other person a chance to finish browsing.
"What's he doing?" said Man 1.
Miss Information suggested that Man 2 was picking out a newspaper to read.
"Well, he's taking too long," said Man 1. "He's in my way!"
At this point Man 2 moved out of the way, apologizing profusely. Miss Information also moved out of the way so she didn't punch someone herself.
Shouldn't adults be better at waiting their turns?
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Miss Information is annoyed on Saturday
First of all, it's cold. Miss Information hates cold. So that's annoying.
Second of all, it's so cold that the ticket machine in the parking lot is frozen and won't let her in until she swipes her credit card. She likes to pay cash on Saturdays because the flat rate is $5. So that's annoying.
Third of all, it's cold inside the library. By 3:30, Miss Information has lost the feeling in her feet. It's not like she didn't wear thick socks today either. That's really annoying.
Then there's actual work which is strange. A man in a yellow hat ( but no monkey) keeps coming in although he's been banned because he punched a random person for no apparent reason earlier in the week. Security keeps throwing him out but he keeps coming back in. If he took off the hat, no one would recognize him.
While talking to the person in charge about Yellow Hat Guy, she disclosed that there had been a flasher in the branch in one of the other departments earlier. He was wearing a trench coat. So cliché.
Around 3 pm, Miss Information has lost the will to live and is just trying to keep warm by snuggling up with the printer and picking out which books would make the best kindling.
Customer: Where is the men's washroom, please?
Miss Information: There is one on the second floor and one in the basement.
Customer: I've tried them both. (he leaves)
Does he mean he tried and failed?
Wednesday, November 19, 2014
Miss Information is annoyed by bodily functions
A patron asked if he could have a tissue. Miss Information said sure. It's been cold and the fellow's nose was visibly running. Ew, dude, you could have used your sleeve. He helped himself to several but instead using one to wipe his nose (which would have helped!), he decided to explain why he'd asked. (Miss Information is a smart woman. Also, she has eyes.)
See, he usually brings his own but today he forgot. He has bad nose bleeds, see, so he likes to have a bunch of tissue just in case. Yeah, so sometimes he needs to go to the hospital and get his nose cauterized but it's not as bad as it used to be. They can cauterize without sticking a big metal tube into your nose nowadays. Well it's still pretty gross. Oh and yeah, he has to be really careful when he clips his nose hair because sometimes he accidentally clips part of his nose and that's not good. Also, when you're plucking the hair out of your ears you should be really careful that the hair you're plucking isn't connected to a nerve, because he did that once and it was really bad. So you should just get someone else to trim the hair instead. Also there was this one time he slid down a slide that was wet. Boy that was almost a bad situation. He could have gotten really hurt. Fortunately, the slide was plastic, not metal, so he didn't get hurt.
Miss Information has no clue what the slide part is about but she nods and smiles--which is hard because the man's nose has been running thoughout the entire conversation even though he could wipe it at any time because he's got all that tissue. Again, ew.
Saturday, November 15, 2014
Miss Information believes that children are the future. Oh, good.Oh how Miss Information loves children. They brighten her day with their cheerful faces, their delightful enthusiasm, their wild imaginations, their Napoleonic complexes. Oh, it's a wonderful world.
On Friday night, about 20 minutes before the library closed, the network crashed. It happens--rarely. While the circulation staff tried to get the backup system working, Miss Information made herself useful by directing people away from the self-checkout machines and putting up out of order signs.
And then he came along. Miss Information heard a thumping sound quite near her and turned towards it. It was a five-ish year-old boy stomping his feet. He glared at Miss Information and snarled at her. "You need to go over there!!!!" he exclaimed, pointing angrily at the circulation desk.
Miss Information is generally good with kids, as hard as that is to believe, and decided to take her usual approach which is to pretend they aren't little kids. She explained to the furious youngster that she can't got "over there" because she hasn't been trained and doesn't know how "over there" works. The child stomped his feet again and announced that Miss Information needs to go over there "right now!" and that "it works the same as here [self-checkouts]". Which it totally doesn't but Miss Information has decided to end the relationship with Cranky McStompypants here.
She glanced at his caregiver--his mother probably--who was beaming proudly at her bossy, impatient spawn. Did she think it was a good thing to have a little kid trying to bully an adult professional?
So, yeah. Miss Information loves the children.
Wednesday, November 05, 2014
Miss Information is annoyed by civic engagement....againMiss Information is greeted by one of the regulars. He's a nice older fellow, always cheery, even in the morning.
After exchanging pleasantries the gentleman asks if Miss Information has seen the results. She has. Because she doesn't like talking politics with the patrons, she mutters something vaguely affirmative. The man's reply is a bit unexpected.
"Oh it was great, wasn't it?" he says. "I just love Simon Cowell. And then the day before it was Dancing with the Stars. Some of those celebrities think they can dance but they really can't. Have a good day, my dear."
So, yeah. Miss Information has no idea what's going on.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Miss Information is annoyed by civic engagement
A patron wants to know if the library is a voting location for the upcoming election. Miss Information hasn't heard anything and says she doesn't think so. There's a community centre nearby and a big municipal building. These might be used for voting. The mall seems less likely, but is also a possibility.
Miss Information tries to find out the answer. She checks with her supervisor, she looks online but no one knows.
She admits defeat and tells the woman that her voter registration card will provide the answer. Has she received it yet?
"Oh," the woman replies. "I'm not eligible to vote in the election."
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Miss Information is annoyed by risk takersAn upset patron comes to the desk. She wants to tell Miss Information something important. The elevator outside the library that takes people to the parking lot is "jumping".
"Jumping?" says Miss Information.
"Jumping and bouncing," confirms the patron.
The woman heads towards the elevator alcove while Miss Information goes to the security desk to find out what can be done about this situation. The security guard reports that some maintenance is scheduled on the elevator but he thinks it is for later today.
Miss Information goes outside to speak to the woman. There are a couple of elevators that go to the parking lot in different parts of the building. Maybe she should take one of them?
She goes to the alcove fully expecting to see the patron. Nope. Odd. There is nothing in the alcove but the elevator and the staff entrance to the library but even staff can't use that door during open hours. So, the woman should be here unless...
Miss Information has no evidence to back this up. The woman could have been spirited away by aliens or been sucked into a black hole or something.
However, based upon her study of library-visiting humans, Miss Information believes that the woman has decided to risk her life and get on an elevator that is bouncing and jumping.
Miss Information stayed by the elevator listening for a crash and there was nothing but silence. The woman escaped death...this time.