Miss Information has no patience for this.
Ooooh. Miss Information has had it with the impatient types. Her first customer was a man who was asking about Oriana Fallaci. He was looking for her books and mentioned that he'd heard about a recent documentary about her life. The books were no problem, the library had several in stock. The documentary was another matter.
IMDB didn't have a doc listed. Miss Information resorted to Google where she found the schedule for a February 2015 film festival that had screened the movie -- not a documentary, more of a docudrama and not available in the library. IMDB did have a listing which came up when Miss Information searched by title. It was a television movie which appears to have been released only in Italy.
In the middle of this seemingly endless search, another patron appeared. Then she left. While Miss Information was continuing to search for the first patron, a circulation staff member came over with the woman and interrupted. "This patron is looking for a book called Stalin's Daughter--do you know where it is?"
Miss Information replied that she did not know off the top of her head but could check as soon as she finished with the man she was helping.
The man left quickly. He didn't have to. Miss Information was totally willing to help him for hours, if it would annoy Stalin's Daughter woman.
Miss Information quickly looked up the information. The book is high demand so the woman would have to place a request. Did she want to do that?
Yes. Oh but could she pick it up at her local branch instead?
Miss Information said she could and asked for her library card to complete the transaction.
Oh. I don't have it with me. (Would have made it difficult to take the book out if it had been available, right?)
But never mind, Miss Information gets another piece of ID from the woman and places the hold. It maybe didn't take quite as long as the Oriana Fallaci question, but it was way more annoying.
Why do library patrons feel like they're the most important people on earth?
Miss Information is annoyed by print media
It is the last day of spring
break, so you would think that Miss Information would be tired of children by
now. You'd be right. But she is much more tired of adults.
It is Saturday. One of the local
newspapers gives the library a stack of free copies to give away. The local
seniors have found out about this and Saturday mornings are getting ugly. Miss
Information usually arrives at 8:30 and there's already a line. She has no idea
when they start coming but by the time the library opens at 9 AM it's out of
The library posts a security guard next to
the stack to maintain order but someone always cuts the line and hell breaks
loose. Miss Information noticed a 12 year old boy staring in wonderment at the old people
shouting and pushing. It's amazing that anyone survives the Saturday morning
stampede of seniors.
Fortunately, the newspapers are gone by
9:03 and then everyone goes home, presumably to do crossword puzzles. Almost
everyone goes home. A woman who cut the line and was called out by 10 other
seniors and the security guard, stayed behind to protest the injustice. She
spent about an hour complaining to the person in charge about the entire thing.
Fortunately Miss Information was not involved except as a witness.
In the afternoon a man asked about the
library collection of newspapers. Man 1, as he shall now be known, wanted to look at
today's paper. The library has cleverly hidden the newspaper shelving so few
people can find it, so Miss Information got up and walked him over. There was
someone else (Man 2) looking at the papers and, because it is tucked away in a corner only
one person can access the collection at a time. Miss Information pointed it out
to the first man and suggested he give the other person a chance to finish
"What's he doing?" said Man
Miss Information suggested that Man 2 was picking
out a newspaper to read.
"Well, he's taking too long," said Man 1. "He's in my way!"
At this point Man 2 moved out of the way,
apologizing profusely. Miss Information also moved out of the way so she didn't punch someone herself.
Shouldn't adults be better at waiting their
Miss Information is annoyed on Saturday
First of all, it's cold.
Miss Information hates cold. So that's annoying.
Second of all, it's so cold that the
ticket machine in the parking lot is frozen and won't let her in until she
swipes her credit card. She likes to pay cash on Saturdays because the flat rate
is $5. So that's annoying.
Third of all, it's cold inside the
library. By 3:30, Miss Information has lost the feeling in her feet. It's not
like she didn't wear thick socks today either. That's really annoying.
Then there's actual work which is strange.
A man in a yellow hat ( but no monkey) keeps coming in although he's been banned
because he punched a random person for no apparent reason earlier in the week.
Security keeps throwing him out but he keeps coming back in. If he took off the
hat, no one would recognize him.
While talking to the person in charge
about Yellow Hat Guy, she disclosed that there had been a flasher in the branch
in one of the other departments earlier. He was wearing a trench coat. So
Around 3 pm, Miss Information has lost the
will to live and is just trying to keep warm by snuggling up with the printer
and picking out which books would make the best kindling.
Customer: Where is the men's washroom,
Miss Information: There is one on the
second floor and one in the basement.
Customer: I've tried them both. (he
Does he mean he tried and
Miss Information is annoyed by bodily functions
A patron asked if he could
have a tissue. Miss Information said sure. It's been cold and the fellow's nose
was visibly running. Ew, dude, you could have used your sleeve. He helped
himself to several but instead using one to wipe his nose (which would have
helped!), he decided to explain why he'd asked. (Miss Information is a smart
woman. Also, she has eyes.)
See, he usually brings his own but today
he forgot. He has bad nose bleeds, see, so he likes to have a bunch of tissue
just in case. Yeah, so sometimes he needs to go to the hospital and get his nose
cauterized but it's not as bad as it used to be. They can cauterize without
sticking a big metal tube into your nose nowadays. Well it's still pretty gross. Oh and yeah, he has to be
really careful when he clips his nose hair because sometimes he accidentally
clips part of his nose and that's not good. Also, when you're plucking the hair
out of your ears you should be really careful that the hair you're plucking
isn't connected to a nerve, because he did that once and it was really bad. So
you should just get someone else to trim the hair instead. Also there was this
one time he slid down a slide that was wet. Boy that was almost a bad situation.
He could have gotten really hurt. Fortunately, the slide was plastic, not metal,
so he didn't get hurt.
Miss Information has no clue what the
slide part is about but she nods and smiles--which is hard because the man's
nose has been running thoughout the entire conversation even though he could
wipe it at any time because he's got all that tissue. Again,
Miss Information believes that children are the future. Oh, good.
Oh how Miss Information loves children. They brighten her day with their cheerful faces, their delightful enthusiasm, their wild imaginations, their Napoleonic complexes. Oh, it's a wonderful world.
On Friday night, about 20 minutes before the library closed, the network crashed. It happens--rarely. While the circulation staff tried to get the backup system working, Miss Information made herself useful by directing people away from the self-checkout machines and putting up out of order signs.
And then he came along. Miss Information heard a thumping sound quite near her and turned towards it. It was a five-ish year-old boy stomping his feet. He glared at Miss Information and snarled at her. "You need to go over there!!!!" he exclaimed, pointing angrily at the circulation desk.
Miss Information is generally good with kids, as hard as that is to believe, and decided to take her usual approach which is to pretend they aren't little kids. She explained to the furious youngster that she can't got "over there" because she hasn't been trained and doesn't know how "over there" works. The child stomped his feet again and announced that Miss Information needs to go over there "right now!" and that "it works the same as here [self-checkouts]". Which it totally doesn't but Miss Information has decided to end the relationship with Cranky McStompypants here.
She glanced at his caregiver--his mother probably--who was beaming proudly at her bossy, impatient spawn. Did she think it was a good thing to have a little kid trying to bully an adult professional?
So, yeah. Miss Information loves the children.
Miss Information is annoyed by civic engagement....again
Miss Information is greeted by one of the regulars. He's a nice older fellow, always cheery, even in the morning.
After exchanging pleasantries the gentleman asks if Miss Information has seen the results. She has. Because she doesn't like talking politics with the patrons, she mutters something vaguely affirmative. The man's reply is a bit unexpected.
"Oh it was great, wasn't it?" he says. "I just love Simon Cowell. And then the day before it was Dancing with the Stars. Some of those celebrities think they can dance but they really can't. Have a good day, my dear."
So, yeah. Miss Information has no idea what's going on.
Miss Information is annoyed by civic engagement
A patron wants to know if the library is a voting location for the upcoming
election. Miss Information hasn't heard anything and says she doesn't think so.
There's a community centre nearby and a big municipal building. These might be
used for voting. The mall seems less likely, but is also a possibility.
Miss Information tries to find out the
answer. She checks with her supervisor, she looks online but no one knows.
She admits defeat and tells the woman that
her voter registration card will provide the answer. Has she received it yet?
"Oh," the woman replies. "I'm not eligible
to vote in the election."