Miss Information is a terrible judge of character
It wasn't the best week at work. Miss Information was annoyed by the number of coworkers with "flu-like symptoms" and also the usual lack of communication in the library. E-mail people! Jeez. How hard is it to send e-mail explaining stuff?
So, Miss Information was burned out and cranky on Thursday evening when a fellow came to the desk. He was scruffy in an "I'm an artist" not an "I'm a serial killer" kind of way. He'd run out of time on the computer and the file he thought he saved was gone. He didn't seem too upset about this. Looking back, this should have been a clue. He and Miss Information had a pleasant chat about better ways to save files and monitor your computer time. He was nice. He seemed
normal.
Miss Information signed him up for more computer time and got back to her stamping and shushing duties. About two minutes had passed when the man, the same normalish man stormed past the desk complaining bitterly about how the media and the president were crapping all over him. They were always doing that.
Miss Information's crazy-dar must be on the fritz.
Miss Information is annoyed by academic success
...maybe just baffled.
To recap, Miss Information understands only about 10% of what goes on at library school. For one thing they've stopped calling it library school. It is now Information School and she is getting a degree in information. Not to put too fine a point on it, but isn't all school informational on some level? In kindergarten, Miss Information learned that you shouldn't eat glue. This is great information.
Anyway, in
Information School, she has found herself surrounded by people who use words like "epistemological" and quote Kant in normal conversation. She is clearly over her head here.
Recently she handed in a paper. She was supposed to read a couple of specific articles and write about their main points. This was not easy because one of the papers was written in Etruscan, a language Miss Information is unfamiliar with and the other was composed in one of those freaky secret codes that only identical twins understand. With no choice Miss Information wrote a paper that contained actual verbs. It was the only thing going for it. The paper was returned last week. She peeked at the grade, put the paper down stunned.
The person sitting next to her asked what was wrong, said she seemed upset.
Upset doesn't begin to cover it. The paper was covered with exclamation marks that weren't following words like "you moron" and "stop wasting our time" but instead words like "good point" and "yes". Miss Information had gotten an A.
So, the question is: does Miss Information actually know what she's doing? That can't be it.
Miss Information is annoyed by fellow students
It happened again. Miss Information was in hour 8 of her 9 hour day at school and it happened again.
It occurred in the middle of a fascinating discussion about the inevitable crisis that will result from the recent decline in the quality of adhesives used in spine labels. Not really. It was some dumbass discussion of some dumbass library issue though. One of Miss Information's fellow students had something to add.
She began: Well...when I'm a liberrian working in a liberry....
Miss Information was horrified. This woman along with numerous other people in the department, has managed to get through public school, high school, undergrad and is now half way through a graduate program without noticing that the word library has that pesky extra "r". It's her field of study, for pete's sake!
Miss Information learned how to pronounce library in kindergarten because her teachers used to make fun of the children who didn't say the word correctly. Yes. You heard that right. They also made fun of short kids and you can just imagine what they did to the stupider children. Miss Information went to a school that was so tough the teachers
were the bullies. It explains a lot about her endless, paralysing fear of authority figures.
However, she, at least knows how to say "library".
Miss Information is annoyed by an author visit
Miss Information woke up with an evil bastard cold and the knowledge that due to circumstances beyond her control, she was conducting today’s author visit. She decided to make the most of it and dress female for once. She must have been feverish.
The program got off to a bad start when she neglected to unlock the outside doors based on the assumption that people coming to a library program would come through the library. Bad mistake. Among those unable to get in was the author himself who was a really good sport about it. Eventually a woman came in and glowered at Miss Information until she got the message.
Her hopes of making friends with the regulars now abandoned, she introduced the author and sat down. He was funny. The audience was responsive. A little too responsive maybe. One gent in the first row kept asking questions. The author didn’t mind but the lady in the second row took exception. She started out by quietly glaring, then moved on to swearing. It was then that Miss Information noticed that the woman was holding her pen in a particularly menacing way and she began mentally composing the incident report which was sure to follow. Great. Miss Information gets to do one program in her life and it ends in a stabbing. Perfect. The man must have sensed something because he suddenly ran out of things to say. Good idea, pal.
And the author? Miss Information liked him. She must have. About 30 minutes into the presentation she realized she was flashing him. Stupid low-cut shirt.
Miss Information is annoyed by school
Miss Information is back at school and she has a couple of complaints beyond the usual one of not understanding what anyone is talking about. For some reason this isn't a problem that has had any negative impact on her academic success. Go figure.
Here's the biggest annoyance. The school year started on a Wednesday. This throws everything off. Week one for some classes was last week. For others week one is this week. None of the professors bothered to figure out actual dates for assignments and readings preferring to label everything week two, week three, etc. Miss Information has lots of assignments due week three, except that week three means different things to different people. She decided to think of Wednesday as Monday as a workaround. Unfortunately the professor for her Wednesday class sometimes wants things handed in on Tuesday. The way Miss Information understands it, the same Tuesday has to exist in two different weeks for this to be possible. So, she has an assignment due Tuesday Week 5 which is October 6. She has two other assignments due Tuesday week 4 which is also October 6. This is bound to destroy the universe isn't it?
Second thing: One of her professors has set up a Twitter feed for the class. The way he explained it, this will allow the students to tweet during the lecture. One of the TAs will monitor all this tweeting and pass on questions to the professor. Miss Information has a question. She wants to know why a bunch of people in the same lecture hall can't just speak to each other--verbally, like. Since she doesn't have a Twitter account her question may never be answered.
Well, it was a full moon...
It was Friday. The woman had a question. Sigh. That's how it always starts. Her question didn't make sense to Miss Information but that happens a lot too. The question was something along the lines of: what does "wear rags" mean? Miss Information tried to get some context or clarification but the woman kept repeating the same thing.
Eventually Miss Information did some kind of secret library clerk magic (aka a Google search) and suggested that some people considered used or damaged clothing to be rags.
Ahhhh...the woman was satisfied. Now (now?) she decided to be all friendly and chatty. She didn't have a lot of money and sometimes purchased used clothing. That's probably why her luck was so bad. Oh, yeah? Her fortune teller had instructed her not to wear rags. It was all so clear now. The woman was terribly grateful that Miss Information was able to translate her fortune teller's message. Yep. Miss Information was also happy. Or disturbed. Whatever.
As she left, the woman glanced at Miss Information's t-shirt, which displayed a beautiful map of the London Underground. The woman was shocked and appalled. She wanted to know the meaning of the shirt. The what? It was a message, right? Miss Information was trying to tell the woman not to take the subway today. Obviously the shirt was a warning, right?
Nope. Miss Information's shirt was merely a reminder that she spent the summer at school and didn't go on any fabulous vacations. In retrospect, this may have been a mistake.
What Miss Information's been doing these days
Actual conversation
5:10 pm. Friday
Woman: I want a computer for an hour.
Miss Information: The library closes at 6, so you won’t get a full hour.
Woman: What? The library closes at 6?
Miss Information: Yes. On Fridays in the summer the library closes at 6.
Woman: Wait...it’s Friday?
Miss Information: Yes. On Fridays in the summer the library closes at 6.
Woman: The library closes at 6?
Miss Information: Yep.
Woman: But it’s Friday.
Miss Information: That’s right. For the summer the library closes early on Fridays--at 6.
Woman: The library closes at 6? Really?
Miss Information: Uh-huh.
Woman: Oh.
This is the way the entire week has been.
