Sunday, May 31, 2009

The patrons annoy Miss Information...again

Miss Information was having a peaceful and educational Saturday conducting research into the sexual proclivities of animals. What? A person can have hobbies. And seriously? Koalas may seem cute and harmless but they could keep Jerry Springer supplied with guests for years.

Unfortunately this pursuit of knowledge was interrupted by a high school kid who wanted to find childhood photos of a World War I hero. He got really snotty when Miss Information told him that this might be impossible given that the man was born in 1875 when camera phones were somewhat rare.

After he stomped away, Miss Information read about transexual deer until she overheard a patron angrily ask for a manager. Damn. It was unfortunate that Miss Information was in charge of the branch right then. She had a nice conversation with the man who was really upset about the library bags--specifically that they were too girly. Miss Information would describe the bags as gender neutral...they don't have unicorns or hearts or flowers on them, but the man was mad. They just weren't manly enough for him. Sigh. To think that Miss Information wastes her time worrying about crazy dictators with nuclear arms and ethnic cleansing when there are real problems in the world. She found him a contact number. Hopes it works out for him.

The woman on the phone wanted a movie--Lies of the Saints. "Lie," she said. "Like the opposite of true." Right. Miss Information has not heard of this movie but it seemed plausible. Too bad the library catalogue hadn't heard of it either. Could the woman provide any more information: was it a documentary? Did she know any of the people involved? The woman suggests she try "Lies of a Saint", "Lie of the Saints", "Lie of a Saint". No, no, no. The woman was desperate. She needed the movie. Miss Information asked if it could possibly be Lives of the Saints. The woman thought maybe. CBC movie? Based on a book? Something about Italians? Sophia Loren? Any of this ring a bell? The woman became testy. How would she know? All she knew is that her friend told her it was good. Her friend didn't say anything else? Nope.

People recommend movies to Miss Information all the time. Maybe she's too picky but she always asks for more information. What's it about? Who's in it? Why exactly do you think Miss Information should waste 2 precious hours of her life with this particular offering? She decides whether to watch it based on this data. She almost never calls the library and gets snippy because the staff member can't figure out what movie her friend recommended based on incomplete information.

Miss Information suggested the woman contact her friend for clarification. The woman opted to call her local library instead where she was doomed to have the conversation again but at least Miss Information wasn't involved. She went back to her studies and learned much about hedgehogs and Snow Geese.


At 10:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe "Patron Saint of Liers" with Dana Delany? The book was by Ann Patchett.

At 9:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry. Liars, not liers.

At 11:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

They could make "Lyres of the Saints" about harp playing football players in New Orleans. I'd watch that.

At 6:01 PM, Blogger JamiSings said...

"Girly Bags" man needs to be hooked up with this fellow talked about on

How About Long Johnson Silver
Bookstore | Kansas, USA
Me: “Hi, how can I help you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need that book about the whale and the guy trying to get it.”

Me: “Oh, Moby Dick? It’s right back here.”

Customer: “WHAT?! I don’t want a book about dick! EW!”

Me: “Um…Moby Dick is about the white whale and Captain Ahab. By Herman Melville. It’s a classic.”

Customer: “Oh. Do you have any copies with a manlier title?”

And make it a 3-some with this prudish lady -

Love The Art, Hate His Parts
Bookstore | Orem, UT, USA
(A young woman walks up to the registers with a book.)

Customer: “I’d like to return this notebook.”

Me: “Is there something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yes, there’s a naked man on the front cover.”

Me: “Uh, that’s Leonardo Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man.”

Customer: “He’s naked.”

Me: “It’s a five hundred-year-old drawing.”

Customer: *hissing* “HE’S NAKED.”

Me: “…would you like store credit?”

It'll be a match made in Heaven!

I just love that website. It gives me comfort to know I'm not the only one dealing with morons. (It also proves Darwin wrong because if evolution was for real, idiots would've died out long ago!)


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