Miss Information has a new idea
There was one bright spot in a seemingly endless day at the reference desk. At about 2:30 a man handed Miss Information a list of books his son wanted. At the top of the list was a book called
7 Habits of Highly Effected People.Since snickering while trying to assist a tax payer is probably not recommended by any legitimate self-help author, Miss Information has decided to fill the gap.
Her book will be titled
7 Habits of Highly Affected People and will include sections on:
how to make broad sweeping gestures without injuring those around you
long cigarette holders, big sunglasses and other must have accessories
tips on adopting and maintaining your fake European accent
She's going to follow it up with
7 Habits of Highly Infected People. She plans to spend months researching the "staying in bed doing nothing" section.
Miss Information is freaked out by psychics
Miss Information was sitting peacefully at the reference desk when she was disturbed by a commotion.
“Stop reading my mind!” the Internet guy shouted.
Miss Information was all set to apologize and promise to never read his mind again when she realized he had not directed his comment at her but was speaking to another computer user. Nevertheless she had a bad feeling about this so she alerted the woman in charge and the security guard who diffused the situation by reminding the paranoid guy to use his indoor voice when expressing his delusional thoughts.
Ironically Miss Information can’t get the incident out of her mind. See she wonders how Paranoid Guy knew that Other Guy was reading his mind…unless Paranoid Guy was reading Other Guy’s mind, too. And really if you read someone’s mind when they’re also reading your mind, do you just get a crazy reflection of your own mind? Is it like that painting of Stephen Colbert standing in front of the painting of Stephen Colbert standing in front of…? Can you break the loop without causing permanent damage to the participants?
Miss Information would love to ask. This is why she’s never going to be in charge.
Miss Information and the serial kisser
Miss Information found a condom wrapper in the government documents section today.
She herself has always found the government documents deathly dull. In fact one of her favourite things about the Internet is that so much of the mind-numbing tedium is confined there. Like a traffic accident, Miss Information is free to look away and so she does. What other consenting adults do with the government documents is none of her business.
Back when Miss Information still had some integrity (she remembers it well…it was a Tuesday, around 10-ish—good times) she took an interest (professional interest) in the government documents collection, weeding, labelling, etc. On these occasions she noticed to her great shock that someone didn’t find the publications quite so boring and had, in fact, left lipstick prints on a large number of them. Oh legislation about fisheries…how wonderful you are…let’s never argue again, my darling…Um, yes, sorry...kissing the government documents is just plain weird.
Miss Information suspected the government documents librarian, but the lipstick wasn’t really his shade.
Miss Information considers a different career path
Miss Information's yoga teacher had an exciting announcement. It seems that she has recently been appointed "Tampon Ambassador". The diplomatic corps has
so many exciting opportunities.
If this library school thing doesn't work out...
