Saturday, August 18, 2007

Miss Information is counting the days

Summer has worn down even the nicest of staff members. A woman who is so nice that she comes in to work early to bake treats for everyone recently disclosed her fiendish plan to get rid of troublesome patrons and clean up the cupboards in the staff kitchen at the same time. It involved melting old tupperware containers into bullets.

"It might not kill them, but there's a good chance of toxic shock," she said cheerfully.

Miss Information was delighted and more than a little frightened. She herself is sick to death of playing Manhunt with the band of future felons who inhabit the library. This week she spotted a couple of new athletes on the playing field.

"Please, don't chase each other around the library," she said to the girls who were chasing each other around the library.

"We aren't chasing each other around the library," one of them said indignantly.

Oh. Miss Information checks. It is still a library, isn't it?

She's pretty tired when she answers the phone. The man wants a copy of the Old Testament. Miss Information describes the several translations the library owns but the man is disappointed. He wanted the "original" Old Testament. Miss Information urges him to give the King James version a try but no. It isn't "original" enough for the man.

What did he expect? An illuminated manuscript? Gutenberg? Something in Aramaic carved on stone tablets?

Speaking of the Old Testament, Miss Information remembers some kind of rule or law or commandment or something in there somewhere about theft. She can't confirm that though because all of the library DVDs of the Ten Commandments with Charlton Heston have been stolen.



At 7:12 PM, Anonymous Woeful said...

LMAO... And I thought the plan was going to involve baking arsenic into brownies for public consumption. Her plan is so fiendishly active.

Maybe bible boy wanted this?

At 8:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Only a few more weeks until the little brats are back at school... you can do it !

At 7:17 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

I fielded a request for the "original Bible," too. I think we (someone had to help because I am not, er, well versed in the Bible) even looked into ILL for some scholarly work on original texts and our customer was not satisfied.

At 3:24 PM, Blogger kittenpie said...

I'd offer a copy in Hebrew, myself.

good god, is this summer long. I SOOO feel you.

At 6:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

just FYI - actually, the guy rejecting the King James version was quite right. The original Old Testament is in Hebrew. The King James version is a translation, and a very bad one (in some places, deliberately bad). There are much better translations out there, but if someone wants the original they should go to the Hebrew (the Tanach).


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