Miss Information is annoyed by surrogate parentingThis Monday Miss Information was recruited for surrogate soccer mom duty. She was less than enthusiastic. For one thing there was a midterm the next day and studying was necessary. Also, she really wanted to go to her step class. She’s starting a new course next week that will significantly reduce the amount of time she can spend in the gym. While she’s happy about the upcoming expansion of her mind, the potential accompanying expansion of her hips is less welcome.
Miss Information set out to the soccer field. Her sister had given her vague instructions and bags of snacks for the team. She was to look for the children wearing the same burgundy shirt as her niece. Easy. She looked. Red shirts, yellow shirts, orange shirts, no burgundy shirts. Miss Information didn’t realize there were that many children or that many colours on the planet. They wandered aimlessly through the field searching in vain for the burgundy team.
Finally, they spotted a kid. One kid. Niece confirmed that he looked sort of familiar. They settled in and waited for the rest of the team to show up. Their opponents seemed to have a lot of players—more than two anyway. The good news is that there were enough rice krispie squares for everyone.
Eventually one more burgundy kid showed up. One of the burgundy parents investigated and discovered that the burgundy coach had a hissy fit and quit a couple of weeks ago. Apparently the three kids who showed up were the only ones who didn’t get the e-mail.
Too bad, so sad. Miss Information thought this would be a great time to introduce the 5 and 6 year olds to a new word—forfeit. But no. The do-gooder burgundy parents would rather their children be crushed by life at a later date. Damn positive role models. Children were drafted from other teams and a game was played in spite of the futility of it all.
Miss Information’s usually enthusiastic and athletic niece opted to stand perfectly still in one spot for the entirety of the game, not even attempting to make contact with the ball. Miss Information’s other niece amused herself by throwing grass at everyone. Miss Information spent the night picking grass out of her hair and sulking quietly.
She just isn’t cut out for parenting.