Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Miss Information is annoyed by fellow travellers

Miss Information is an evil bitch. She knows that no one cares about her petty annoyances what with the people dying on the street and all—but still, there are some things she simply must get off her chest.

She has just returned from a short road trip and she was, well, irritated by the behavior of her fellow motorists.

First, two lane highways are not that complicated. There is a driving lane and a passing lane. One is for driving and one is used for passing. It seems so obvious. Those people who drive slowly in the passing lane for miles and miles and miles are just ruining the fun for everyone else. She thinks this is self-explanatory, but the number of people who don’t appear to understand the basics is staggeringly large. Miss Information is trying to get somewhere. Get the hell out of her way.

Second, if she believed in hell, Miss Information knows there would be a special place there for those people who drive on the shoulder or the breakdown lane when there’s a traffic jam. She wants these people to know that while one or two of them may be rushing off to save helpless kitty cats who are trapped in trees or something, the rest of them are just trying to get to McDonald’s before they give out the last Tinkerbell Happy Meal toy. Miss Information thinks these people are immoral scum-sucking, bottom-feeding bastards who think they’re more important than everyone else. What’s the problem? They were absent the day they taught “waiting your turn” at kindergarten? Everybody in the damn traffic has someplace they would rather be, so just get back in a proper lane and wait patiently like everyone else.

Lately Miss Information has noticed an annoying variation on this theme where a car in front of her cuts into the on ramp and pretends to be just coming onto the highway so they gain, oh about 2 car lengths on the rest of the rush hour traffic. No one is fooled, you stupid bastards. She hates these people.

Miss Information knows that the problems of a library clerk and her car don’t amount to a hill of beans in this crazy mixed up world, but she feels much better now that she’s been able to vent about it.

4 Comments:

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At 7:33 PM, Blogger Nike said...

You are right about the special level of Hell for the breakdown lane abusers.
But I still think we should do something about them in this world.

 
At 3:29 AM, Blogger nikkormac said...

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