Friday, June 24, 2005

Do not make Miss Information stop this car!

Miss Information is going on a road trip--a good old driving vacation. She loves the driving part but regrettably she sucks at the "vacation" bit. Why anyone would stop the car unless the little "running out of gas" light comes on mystifies her. What do you mean you want to eat? Shouldn't you have thought of that before you got in the car? Surely you ate yesterday; you can't be that hungry.

Anyway, the fun begins at the crack of dawn Saturday. She is travelling with a different combination of people this time...all those other wusses who want to eat food and do sightseeing (look out the window, ya big whiner!) having been weeded out last year.

These trips are always provide opportunities to learn stuff and Miss Information does like to learn stuff--for example, which of her friends pass out from low blood sugar (wimps).

Here's some of the stuff Miss Information learned last year:

1. There is no worse hell than being in a car with a 6 year-old in the midst of sugar withdrawal in the only place in the world where there is no McDonalds within eyeshot. Do yourself a favour and spend a few minutes on the Internet mapping the ice cream shops on your route.

2. Do not take your original software. God made CD burners for a reason, dumbass. It will save you time hassling your friends later for your Lemmings CD. Also it will save the eventual embarrassment when you pack for your next trip and find the Lemmings CD has been in your possession the entire time. (They don't read the blog. Don't tell them.)

3. Take every CD you own. There was an incredibly annoying trip a few years ago when she wanted, no, sorry, needed a CD that was stupidly not in the car. This year she thinks she can whittle it down to 200 discs. This is actually 100 more than last year, but she's still anxious.

4. Speaking of CDs, it's hard to impress the youngsters with your encyclopedic knowledge of punk, alternative and garage music when they really only like the Beatles, Abba and Beethoven.

5. For the love of god, somebody in the car should be able to read a map, or failing that, have some kind of sense of direction.

Hopefully, Miss Information will return home with her sanity and friendships intact--if not that, then perhaps a new pair of shoes.

5 Comments:

At 2:26 AM, Blogger Couch Potato said...

Help me Dude, I'm lost.

I was searching for Elvis and somehow ended up in your blog, but you know I'm sure I saw Elvis in the supermarket yesterday.

No honest really, he was right there in front of me, next to the steaks singing "Love me Tender".

He said to me (his lip was only slightly curled) "Boy, you need to get yourself a shiny, new plasmatv to go with that blue suede sofa of yours.

But Elvis said I, In the Ghetto nobody has a plasma tv .

Dude I'm All Shook Up said Elvis. I think I'll have me another cheeseburger then I'm gonna go home and ask Michael Jackson to come round and watch that waaaay cool surfing scene in Apocalypse Now on my new plasma tv .

And then he just walked out of the supermarket singing. . .

"You give me love and consolation,
You give me strength to carry on "

Strange day or what? :-)

 
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