Miss Information is annoyed by air travelHe seemed so cute. You know the type--blond, tousled hair, doesn't so much walk as toddle? Seemed cute. From a distance. Suitable distance being defined as "not on the same airplane".
Miss Information was unaware of his presence until about 5 minutes after boarding when she turned to her seatmate and said "Geez, dude...what have you been eating?" only to find he was looking at her with the same expression. It became clear that this whiffy-ness was emanating from the row behind them.
Far be it from Miss Information to interfere with your parenting but really, could you not have changed that baby somewhere else? It wasn't that close to take off.
This was the first sign. It was not a baby. It was a monster. The child proved this by spending the next 8 hours screaming. Now Miss Information is not a total bitch. She knows babies sometimes cry. But this was not crying. This was shrieking. High pitched, high volume shrieking. There was no point to it other than to keep an entire plane of travellers from sleeping. The brief moments when he was quiet were spent kicking the back of Miss Information's seat. Although how he reached the seat with those tiny little legs is a mystery.
The parents of the demon spawn were cheerfully oblivious. In the wee morning hours just before landing the Mom-demon was overheard saying such practical things as "Samuel, this behaviour is unacceptable." Now it was unacceptable? Obviously she couldn't have been referring to the shrieking which had gone on for 7 hours. Miss Information concluded that Samuel was now trying to stab his seatmates.
Also--turbulence. Lots of turbulence.