Miss Information is annoyed by lack of climate changeMiss Information has been struggling with her usual winter melancholy. She may have mentioned that she hates the cold…also, snow, hats, ice, boots, runny nose, steamed up glasses…well, the entire stupid season, frankly. This year seems worse because in addition to all that weather stuff, the library is in yet another transition period compounded by shuffling staff and the introduction of a new computer system which has everyone suicidal. Miss Information is also waiting for the inevitable rejection of her graduate school application. Of course maybe this year she won’t be rejecte…no, no, no…Must. Crush. Optimism. Ahhh…all gone now. That was close. As John Cleese once pointed out it’s not the despair that will drive you insane, it’s the hope.
In spite of all these distractions, Miss Information is positive she could cope much better with life if she didn’t have conversations like this:
There is a customer standing in front of the microfilm reader. The microfilm reader is clearly labelled with a large “Out of Order” sign.
Woman: Can I use this?
Miss Information: Sorry, it’s not working.
Woman: When will it be fixed?
Miss Information: We don’t really know. Soon we hope.
Woman: So I can use it to read the old newspapers?
Miss Information: You could, except it isn’t working.
Woman: Oh. When will it be fixed?
Miss Information: We’re not sure. It needs parts.
Woman: But can I use it?
Miss Information: Not right now. It’s out of order.
Woman: So I can use it to make a copy?
Miss Information: Well it’s out of order right now, so no.
Woman: So, when will it be fixed?
At this point Miss Information does something very wrong and completely unethical. She whispers conspiratorially that she’s heard rumours that the machine will never, ever be fixed. It had to be done. If the conversation lasted another second Miss Information would have run screaming into the night—without her boots, hat and gloves.