Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Miss Information survives a job interview

Before her next job interview Miss Information needs:
1. A new interview outfit. Maybe something that actually fits and isn't covered with cat hair.

2. The ability to make small talk with any trace of sincerity. See the problem is, Miss Information doesn't really care how you are or whether it's "hot enough for ya?" These things don't really have anything to do with her and has no interest in them. But she isn't completely insensitive. She wishes you all nothing but good health and happiness...because if anything goes wrong in your life, you're going to clutter up her brain with the details. She hates that.

3. Black trouser socks. Honestly, black pants and black shoes require black socks. How is it that Miss Information only has gray socks? She doesn't have any gray shoes. Not that the interviewers were looking at her feet--the tragic condition of her hair was plenty distracting. That and the nonsensical babbling.

4. To remember--her hair is completely unmanagable the day she washes it. For any kind of orderliness to occur, she has to have washed it at least 36 hours prior to the "important event".

5. Make up that vaguely resembles her actual skin tone. That'd be sweet.

6. Additional brain cells.

7. A supply of facial tissue. Her nose always runs during interviews and it is best to have genuine tissue. Amazingly Miss Information actually remembered the nose thing this time, but had no actual tissue in her car
and so was forced to wipe her nose on toilet paper during the interview. She wadded it up...maybe they didn't recognize it's humble origins.

8. A handbag that is small and professional looking, but which would also permit her to discretely carry all 3000 of those little "things" she can't possibly leave at home. You know, there are a thousand good reasons to carry a box of green tea at all times. And just try to get through the day without a can opener. Anyway, a bag like that might involve some sort of tampering with the natural laws of physics, causing the earth to spin out of its orbit and crash into the sun but it's a risk Miss Information is willing to take.

On the whole, though, the interview went well--meaning that Miss Information doesn't have a chance of getting the job, but she didn't embarrass herself to the extent she did last time -- when she notoriously made fun of one of the questions. Surprisingly they gave that job to someone else.


At 12:13 AM, Blogger Susan said...

Not sure how I stumbled upon you originally, but I just keep coming back, you crack me up.

At 8:25 PM, Blogger Gordon said...

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