Friday, March 07, 2008

Miss Information meets Miss Direction

Miss Information’s library is the mother branch in the region—when ever someone gets a booboo or the sniffles in another smaller branch, mom dispatches someone to help out. This is great because any really good ideas at those little sibling branches can be borrowed, adapted, sometimes even stolen for the home branch. And don’t go crying to Mom about it, ‘cause she likes us best!

Sometimes though it kind of backfires. Miss Information laughed out loud at a sign that just had to have been stolen from another location. It was sitting at one of the checkouts. “Check Out Closed. Go to Next Service Desk,” it said, including a helpful arrow. The arrow, alas, is pointing in completely the wrong direction. If the customers were to follow these instructions they would need to circumnavigate the globe in order to get to the right place. (Hopefully they’d find another library on the way.) They’d also have to gnaw their way through a cement wall. Miss Information pictures them jammed up against the wall like sheep who have grazed to the corner of the pen, pawing uselessly at the wall. “If it weren’t for this damn wall, I could get my books checked out,” they would whimper pitifully. Miss Information pictures the staff playing dumb. “The sign says you should go that way. Don't question the integrity of the sign! There must be a desk over there."

The beauty of this sign is that there is not only no way to orient it correctly, but there is no other desk where it could be used and be accurate.

Miss Information is suddenly happy that none of the customers ever read the library signs.


At 12:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hm... so you work at a momma branch. You know, one of these days there'll be enough information for me to figure out who you are.

Just remember... the pages are always watching.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger Stack Ferret said...

Do you work in the Winchester Mansion?

At 2:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

May The Reader make a couple of humble suggestions??

1) Turn the sign upside down.
2) Repaint the arrow.

Nah, neither of those would be much fun. Better leave it the way it is.

Regarding the previous poster who said he will one day discover Miss Information's identity: The Reader wonders what would be Miss Informations's response if one simply asked.

Miss Information, what city do you work in?? What is your e-mail address?? Can you please post a picture of yourself??

At 9:20 PM, Anonymous adrienne said...

Did you ever play that game Lemmings? If there was a wall, they would all just pile up against it and keep walking in place. This is the visual I got while reading your post.

At 12:04 PM, Blogger Misanthropina said...

I had a shelver once who was unable to read the little map I had made for her, and after much explanatory floundering, I realized that the part she wasn't understanding was how to read the directional arrow. After all, it's really only one pointy bit aiming one way and two pointy bits aiming the other way...perhaps this person is now in charge of directional signs in Miss Information's branch.

At 9:01 PM, Anonymous Phantom Midge said...

This made me think of that scene in Animal House where the marching band is led down a blind alley and end up pilling into one another, still marching and trying to move ahead.

And Animal House reminds me of yesterday's family storytime...urg!

At 5:49 PM, Anonymous Robert said...

OKay, my attention was brought to this posting...and I made the sign! Originally there were 2 papers in the holder with each arrow going the opposite directions...depending on which CIRC desk it was on. BUT someone on the other side of the battlefield disliked us closing 'our side of the cir desk' and coincidently that sign went 'missing'...therefore rendering the remaining sign useless when it was on THEIR side! :)


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