Miss Information is annoyed about being backMiss Information has returned from vacation with perspective. This is never good. She finds herself wondering anew why staff members don’t just withdraw the mouldy and water damaged books as soon as they see them. One circulation staff member dutifully notes the damage along with her initials and the date. This process probably takes longer than the discard procedure. As if the library mice are gonna come out at night and repair damaged books. Miss Information knows the library mice and they’re all lazy bastards. Fix the books? They don’t even do their own dishes or fill up the water cooler.
Often this notation is followed by a second one, sometimes dated years after the first citing circulation figures with a desperate librarian scrawl—“only copy in region, keep as is!” Miss Information believes with all her heart that it is the responsibility of the library to provide its patrons with books that don’t make them say “ick” and run away cringing to wash their hands but maybe library school will show her the error of her ways.
The stupidest conversation Miss Information had today went like this:
Guy using library catalogue terminal: I can’t get the Internet on this computer.
Miss Information: That computer doesn’t have access to the Internet. You need to use one that has a sign that says “Internet”.
Guy (huffily): Well, why don’t you put signs on every computer that tell you what each computer does?
Miss Information: Great idea! Oh, except that would duplicate the beautiful, clearly worded signs we already have on every computer telling you what they do.
If they put a sign on Miss Information it would say “tries to get stuff done while answering stupid questions”.