Saturday, September 18, 2010

This is the reason why

Lots of people ask Miss Information why she still works at the library when it seems to annoy her so much. Well, the library has a lot going for it. First there isn't too much danger of developing black lung disease. Second, the people who work in libraries are great. They are all eccentric and weird. Some of them have more cats than you do. They are all funny and cranky, sometimes simultaneously. Occasionally someone slips in who doesn't fit the profile, but it's like being kidnapped--you have to become Tania to survive. Eventually they all cave.

But here's the real reason. Miss Information has a new job (loves it!) at a big branch (terrifying!) Anyway, the new branch is complicated. It has an elaborate security system. The only way to return books is to use the book drops which are just outside the door. If you happen to be a stranger who usually uses another branch, you might not know about the book drops. Also if you are a stranger from another branch you may need to return materials that you signed out at your usual branch. Most likely your usual branch does not have a compatible security system. So, you wander into the library to return your books. When you ask a staff member, they tell you that you have to go back outside to the book drop. As you exit the library, the books you are trying to return set off the elaborate security system. At this point the security guards prevent you from leaving.

So, you can't leave the library to return your books and you can't return your books inside the library. You are now a prisoner. And that is why Miss Information keeps on working at the library. It is because she is trapped here. Send help.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Miss Information is annoyed by the airport

Oh, Miss Information had almost gotten over Snow Globe-gate. She was back home safely and all was forgiven. It was tragic, therefore, that she had to go back to the airport a couple of days later to pick up her sister and nieces who were returning from their vacation.

Miss Information had the flight information. They were flying on Flaming Projectile Airlines, flight number 666 arriving at gate 8 at 5:30. So, Miss Information made her way to gate 8 at the appropriate time and looked at the big board of airport information. Hm...there were a couple of Flaming Projectile flights listed but none coming from the right destination. Miss Information scanned the rest of the board. She noticed that there was a flight coming in from the right city but it was a completely different airline--Air Bob, so that wasn't even close.

Miss Information went into full panic mode and walked around the entire terminal, checking at all the other gates to see where her family might be. By the way, it would be ever so helpful to have actual airline staff at the arrival gate who could answer questions, but none were visible. Eventually, Miss Information ended up back at gate 8 where her family was waiting impatiently. Turns out that although they had flown Flaming Projectile, the airline and crew were courtesy of Air Bob. For some reason only the Air Bob information was posted to the big board.

See, this is why the world should be run by library people. They understand the value of "see" references and people would be able to find their families.

The relationship between Miss Information and the airport is over though.

Thursday, September 02, 2010

Miss Information is annoyed on vacation

Has Miss Information ever mentioned that she hates flying? Probably. It isn't so much the actual travel as the seemingly endless waiting in airports. Do they go out of their way to make airports dull? Well, on Miss Information's flight home, there was a brief moment of excitement as she foolishly tried to take a souvenir snow globe (gift for Miss Information's niece) through customs. She had put it into her carry-on because she was pretty sure the thing would break in the soft-sided duffel bag she uses as luggage.

The thing is one cannot take a snow globe in one's carry on luggage because they contain liquid. Oh. Right. Miss Information knew that. Well, this tiny little snow globe set off all sorts of alarms. Security people came from far and wide to confiscate it. They also took away a jar of jam (gift for Miss Information's mother), although ok the snow globe contains a small amount of liquid, but jam is pretty solid.

After they took away all her gifts, they proceeded to swab her bag for explosives and put it through the x-ray machine, over and over again. It was not dull.

At some point, the head customs agent (who was really very nice) decided the snow globe wasn't the huge terrorist threat they had suspected and gave it back after multiple examinations, and additional x-raying, though he was keeping the newspaper it was wrapped in and also the jam--because if Mrs Information gets her jam, the terrorists win.

So, for future reference don't take snow globes in your carry on bag. Just check your bag and then buy as many snow globes you want--in the airport gift shop.