Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed with a librarian

Well, Miss Information is pretty much always annoyed with one librarian or another, so nothing new here.

Today Miss Information was working with a special guest librarian from another branch...or possibly another planet. (Why are all librarians so damn strange?)

Anyway this librarian discovered that some reprobate had hidden several (like 8) copies of Maxim under a floor mat. She came to Miss Information genuinely puzzled over what she should do. Miss Information suggested she pick up the magazines. This had apparently not occured to the librarian.

Without Miss Information's constant supervision, her co-workers would surely wither and die.

Friday, August 27, 2004

Miss Information has a message for her co-workers

Miss Information gently suggests that the Ready Reference copies of Consumer Reports be filed in chronological order instead of the dumbass, random, oh-let's-just-cram-them-in-the-box system employed by some of you.

Her fingers are tired from sorting them out every couple of days.

Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about...repair people

Recently there have been a number of service people at Miss Information's library and while she's grateful that they're working so hard to keep the dilapidated building from collapsing on her tiny delicate head, she wonders whether they intentionally pick the least convenient times to show up.

Just in the past couple of weeks, Miss Information has had her lunch disrupted on no less than 3 occasions and her lunch break is often the only part of the work day she enjoys. First there was the memorable day when the plumbers came and shut off the water to the entire building. Right at noon, of course. Now, this wouldn't be a problem if Miss Information worked in some civilized, friendly workplace where lunch hours were flexible but she doesn't. Everything here is run with military precision and if you can't wash your apple because there's no water, it's your own damn fault for not thinking ahead.

A couple of days later the elevator guys came. They work out of a little hole in the staff room floor and when they're servicing the elevator, access to the staff locker room is totally blocked. These guys have never appeared at 9 am or 2 pm. No. They only ever come in at break time. Mass starvation results. The UN is investigating.

One memorable lunch hour recently, Miss Information discovered a glazier bleeding profusely into the staff room sink. It made filling the kettle unbelievably awkward. Miss Information was asked to perform first aid, as she had had the most recent training. Unfortunately the training really only prepared her to say "ick" when confronted with an emergency situation. Luckily the man was able to complete his work without collapsing from blood loss and eventually left the building, but not before completely destroying Miss Information's appetite.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

A message for Miss Information's neighbours

Miss Information is only gonna say this once, so listen up:
It's August. For the love of god, please take down your sodding icicle lights. Also, Miss Information is getting pretty damn tired of seeing your stupid fibre-glass reindeer and she's almost positive that they're portable, so take them inside until, oh, say November.

Miss Information thanks you for your attention. You may now resume normal activites.

Saturday, August 14, 2004

Miss Information is annoyed about...stereotypes

Miss Information is not a librarian but she plays one at work, so when she read an article in her local newspaper on emerging trends in her beloved footwear industry, she was horrified to discover that it contained incorrect and outdated information about library workers and their shoes.

The article raised the possibility that round-toed shoes may be coming into fashion replacing the current pointy-toed variety. Miss Information welcomes this trend because she could never wear those poky things. Oh, sure, she agrees that they make some feet appear slender and dainty but alas, on her, they merely give the illusion of some poor sap who’s missed the turnoff to the ski slope.

The writer of the article commented that this round-toed look would never catch on because “who wants to look like a librarian?”

Miss Information, who owns a massive collection of absolutely divine shoes, has had just about enough of this sort of thing. She thinks that Laura Bush has done a huge disservice to library staff everywhere by dressing like the Mayberry town librarian circa 1974 and she would like the world to know that today’s library workers are fabulously stylish people who do not wear skirts with sneakers. Well, most of them don’t, anyway.

She would also like to mention that, contrary to popular belief, many of her library colleagues swear like sailors and almost never faint when viewing pornography.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Miss Information has an annoying conversation

Miss I: One of tonight’s speakers went to the wrong branch. She’s on her way, but she’ll be late.

Lucy (the staff member in charge of the lecture): What’s her name?

Miss I: I don’t know her name.

Lucy: Was her name Maria?

Miss I: I don’t know her name.

Lucy: Well, was it Joan?

Miss Information is too tired for this.